[daeshim stops kissing him then, but only so he can pull back a little. only so that he can look him in the eyes and lennon can see him when he shakes his head.]
I upset me. You are innocent.
[lennon acted as anyone would, especially when daeshim was the one always reminding and warning him.]
I did and said things to you that I wish I had not. You don't treat your precious person that way.
[ Lennon looks up at him when the other pulls back and he wants him to start kissing again, wants to feel his lips on his skin where they belong. He shakes his head. ]
I... You didn't do or say anything wrong, not really...
[ Okay, maybe the part where it felt like he wasn't giving him his own choice about Baein but...everything else...? ]
[daeshim shakes his head. he knows that he wasn't himself. locking lennon away from everything like...like some princess in a tower wasn't right. his jealousy was out of control. it grew wild from a seed of jealousy that's always inside of him, but he forgot how to trust lennon.]
I will continue to tie you down and fill you up, if that's what you mean.
[ Lennon swallows and he can't help a short laugh and of course... that part he had liked, a lot. But he still didn't find the other had really crossed too many lines... not really until that moment right at the end. And... okay the locking him away was a lot.
But... he wasn't upset about all of that. ]
There's... probably things we need to talk about.
[ He says quietly but he finally relents and he opens up the blankets to pull at Daeshim needing him close needing to be wrapped up in his arms again. ]
[another sigh of relief. daeshim didn't want the blanket to be between them, wanted to press himself right up against the other. he wouldn't have been able to hold out for much longer. but lennon allows it first, and that's meaningful to him.]
[ Lennon feels a rush of relief when the other's arms move around him and he places close to him, his face buried in his neck and it's only 5% to hide the fact that he's definitely crying some now. He holds to him tightly and he doesn't move from keeping his face in the curve of the other's neck as he speaks. ]
Only that I'm sorry. And I won't do this to you again.
[he frowns when he feels lennon's tears against his skin. he's not good at handling conflict, he only knows to avoid it. but he'll have to figure something else out for the future. daeshim doesn't want to make him cry.]
[ Lennon is quiet and he knows that Daeshim doesn't lie and he can trust that he won't do it again. He presses closer to him and softly kisses his neck once.
When the question is turned back on him, Lennon is quiet for a long time but he knows it's okay. Daeshim will wait for him to talk. Finally, he clears his throat. ]
A few things... I guess... I don't want to stop feeding Baein but I don't want you to be upset with me...
[ There's a pause. ]
And... I really meant it when I said I wouldn't top anyone else.
[ His mind is rolling over everything that had happened. The two hardest things are still not broached yet. ]
[if he could say the words for him and make it easier, he would. but the best he can do is wait, wait and and hold him until he feels strong enough to say whatever he needs to say. and he can do that, for as long as it takes.]
Okay.
[to which? to both, but maybe it would help lennon if he expanded.]
I care about Bae too. I don't want him hurting, so I'm thankful that you can do for him what I cannot.
[he thinks he said that in the past too, it's just that this world's weird magic got in the way of it.]
[ Lennon relaxes a little at that but there's more to that... okay so maybe there are three hard things. ]
I... the last time, I got turned on... and... but nothing happened... really.
[ The lines feel so much blurrier now. Lennon feeling uncertain that Daeshim really is okay with his open sexuality. How much of that was just the effects of whatever magic happened and what of it is things that Daeshim is hiding? ]
Is that okay too... some of the things you said, did you mean them?
[what lennon confesses to, it's no surprise to him. if he'd stopped there, daeshim probably wouldn't have thought anything more about it. but lennon asks him to think about it. it's not a bad thing. it probably means that lennon has learned him well. but the fae is surprised at where his own thoughts lead.]
I think...it would bother me if Bae liked you more than he likes me.
[it doesn't feel good to say it. it even feels wrong, in a way. but it's the price of not being able to lie and not being willing to play with words when he's talking to those who are close to him. a part of him even wishes that he could pull away from lennon, because it might help him think more clearly. but he's not willing to do that either.]
It should not. He's not the Bae that I knew and loved, but...
[it still feels like he's been rejected, even if he knows that he's not the daeshim that he knew and loved either.]
[ Lennon's not surprised by the answer and he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. If the other had tried to pull away, he would have done his best to keep like this. This is easier. He gets the strength of being held and safe but he gets to hide a little too and that helps him. ]
I... don't think he will ever like me more than he likes you. You all... it's something special.
[ Something Lennon isn't a part of and Lennon's not sure that feeling of being on the outside will ever completely go away when it comes to looking at them all outside of himself and Daeshim alone. ]
[and that's the other half of it, more similar to lennon's insecurities than either of them probably realizes. daeshim has been removed from his world and everyone in it. lennon has anchored him to this one. sometimes he does feel like he's all that he really has in it. some of the fae's selfishness can't be blamed on anything but himself. it's all a work in progress.
oh. he blinks a couple of times, and this is easier. (for him, ha.)]
We did. Just imagine if you had been a girl!
[that's probably not as easy for a human to imagine. maybe.]
I would have to bring you two cups of hot chocolate sooner or later.
[he tilts his head to the side. lennon has cradled him as a mushroom for no less than three days, he's seen it for himself. and even that is harder than what the other is thinking about.
it still takes him a minute or two to understand the reason for the other's awkwardness, what he's really saying.]
Oh! Then it would be you bringing me two cups of tea.
[just kidding. daeshim would still want to bring him hot chocolate.]
[daeshim reaches out, cupping lennon's face between his hands. it's hard to tell what he's thinking, or what his response might be despite everything. he has his most serious resting b face on - resting blank face, that is.]
Yes.
[there's more, but that's the most important part. so he's going to let it sink in first.]
[ Lennon meets the other's eyes when the other holds his face. His heart is racing in his chest and why is he so nervous. This is stupid. Really stupid... but then again, if he's being kinder to himself he really had just revealed one of his most secret wishes, one of the things he really didn't think he could have or deserved.
He nods at the answer and smiles, studying the other as the word settles on him more. Just Daeshim wanting that with him means more than he could say. ]
[a smile appears on his lips too. he doesn't know how much it means to him, but he also does. he remembers lennon's reaction, and it's one of the first things that he wanted to talk to him about. of course it's meaningful.]
We must make sure that we can stay together. Here, or the Ruinwood. As long as you're not returned to your world, we'll be fine.
[ Lennon says and he doesn't know how to control it but he'll find a way. Daeshim will find a way. He swallows heavily and his arms wrap around the other's shoulders as he presses a kiss to his lips. ]
I love you.
[ He whispers, the other hard thing he needed to say. ]
[magic is what he does, what he is. even with this world's strange magic, if there's a way he will find it. the spirite of the ruinwood will help him. he kisses him back, lips curving against lennon's in another one of his short-lived smiles.]
[ Lennon had known that Daeshim knew. He'd been able to understand Lennon's language maybe longer than Lennon had really understood it. He tightens his arms and it's a relief to hear it echoed back to him. ]
It's hard for me to say but... I was scared I'd never get to say it to you.
[daeshim's voice is soft and sincere. because he knows that it's not easy for lennon to say, and it is so nice to hear it. it makes his entire body feel warm.
what he says next is also sincere, it's just. daeshim is his own content warning.]
[ Lennon smiles and he feels understood and so loved. He's basking in the moment before blinking and then he can't help but laugh as he buries his face in the other's shoulder. ]
[that lennon is romantic, not his- well that too, probably. daeshim starts to giggle immediately after, though it's unclear if he has an ounce of self-awareness or if he's just laughing because lennon is.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I upset me. You are innocent.
[lennon acted as anyone would, especially when daeshim was the one always reminding and warning him.]
I did and said things to you that I wish I had not. You don't treat your precious person that way.
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I... You didn't do or say anything wrong, not really...
[ Okay, maybe the part where it felt like he wasn't giving him his own choice about Baein but...everything else...? ]
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I will continue to tie you down and fill you up, if that's what you mean.
[that part was...yeah, he's okay with that.]
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But... he wasn't upset about all of that. ]
There's... probably things we need to talk about.
[ He says quietly but he finally relents and he opens up the blankets to pull at Daeshim needing him close needing to be wrapped up in his arms again. ]
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Okay.
[he wraps his arms around him and squeezes.]
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Do you have things you want to say?
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[he frowns when he feels lennon's tears against his skin. he's not good at handling conflict, he only knows to avoid it. but he'll have to figure something else out for the future. daeshim doesn't want to make him cry.]
Do you?
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When the question is turned back on him, Lennon is quiet for a long time but he knows it's okay. Daeshim will wait for him to talk. Finally, he clears his throat. ]
A few things... I guess... I don't want to stop feeding Baein but I don't want you to be upset with me...
[ There's a pause. ]
And... I really meant it when I said I wouldn't top anyone else.
[ His mind is rolling over everything that had happened. The two hardest things are still not broached yet. ]
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Okay.
[to which? to both, but maybe it would help lennon if he expanded.]
I care about Bae too. I don't want him hurting, so I'm thankful that you can do for him what I cannot.
[he thinks he said that in the past too, it's just that this world's weird magic got in the way of it.]
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I... the last time, I got turned on... and... but nothing happened... really.
[ The lines feel so much blurrier now. Lennon feeling uncertain that Daeshim really is okay with his open sexuality. How much of that was just the effects of whatever magic happened and what of it is things that Daeshim is hiding? ]
Is that okay too... some of the things you said, did you mean them?
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I think...it would bother me if Bae liked you more than he likes me.
[it doesn't feel good to say it. it even feels wrong, in a way. but it's the price of not being able to lie and not being willing to play with words when he's talking to those who are close to him. a part of him even wishes that he could pull away from lennon, because it might help him think more clearly. but he's not willing to do that either.]
It should not. He's not the Bae that I knew and loved, but...
[it still feels like he's been rejected, even if he knows that he's not the daeshim that he knew and loved either.]
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I... don't think he will ever like me more than he likes you. You all... it's something special.
[ Something Lennon isn't a part of and Lennon's not sure that feeling of being on the outside will ever completely go away when it comes to looking at them all outside of himself and Daeshim alone. ]
Mm...We... you... talked about a baby.
[ Ugh. Kill him. ]
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[and that's the other half of it, more similar to lennon's insecurities than either of them probably realizes. daeshim has been removed from his world and everyone in it. lennon has anchored him to this one. sometimes he does feel like he's all that he really has in it. some of the fae's selfishness can't be blamed on anything but himself. it's all a work in progress.
oh. he blinks a couple of times, and this is easier. (for him, ha.)]
We did. Just imagine if you had been a girl!
[that's probably not as easy for a human to imagine. maybe.]
I would have to bring you two cups of hot chocolate sooner or later.
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[ Lennon agrees softly. They are. That's sort of what he's trying to get at...
He flushes and groans at the other, shaking his head and pinching his side gently. ]
Can you really change your body?
[ Lennon finally pulls back to look at him and his face is pink and he ends up just looking off to the side. ]
You just... made me realize how much I want... how much I miss having a family.
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[he tilts his head to the side. lennon has cradled him as a mushroom for no less than three days, he's seen it for himself. and even that is harder than what the other is thinking about.
it still takes him a minute or two to understand the reason for the other's awkwardness, what he's really saying.]
Oh! Then it would be you bringing me two cups of tea.
[just kidding. daeshim would still want to bring him hot chocolate.]
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But... does that mean you'd want to...? With me?
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Yes.
[there's more, but that's the most important part. so he's going to let it sink in first.]
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He nods at the answer and smiles, studying the other as the word settles on him more. Just Daeshim wanting that with him means more than he could say. ]
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We must make sure that we can stay together. Here, or the Ruinwood. As long as you're not returned to your world, we'll be fine.
[family shouldn't be ripped apart.]
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[ Lennon says and he doesn't know how to control it but he'll find a way. Daeshim will find a way. He swallows heavily and his arms wrap around the other's shoulders as he presses a kiss to his lips. ]
I love you.
[ He whispers, the other hard thing he needed to say. ]
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I know.
[...bitch, you are not han solo, you'd better-]
I love you too.
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It's hard for me to say but... I was scared I'd never get to say it to you.
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[daeshim's voice is soft and sincere. because he knows that it's not easy for lennon to say, and it is so nice to hear it. it makes his entire body feel warm.
what he says next is also sincere, it's just. daeshim is his own content warning.]
Especially before you saw my vagina.
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Yes, I'm romantic like that.
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[that lennon is romantic, not his- well that too, probably. daeshim starts to giggle immediately after, though it's unclear if he has an ounce of self-awareness or if he's just laughing because lennon is.]
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