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[faeshim]

well. i just had a thought that people must be happy when they can do the things that they love for money. is that true?

[privatechat]

It's true sometimes, I guess. I think happiness can be more complicated than that...

[faeshim]

how?

[privatechat]

Sometimes doing something you love for money takes the love out of it.

[faeshim]

i see. yes, this answers my question thank you.

[privatechat]

Why are you asking, Dae?

[faeshim]

well. someone asked me if i could help them with art. i cannot.

it made me think...there are probably a lot of people who don't understand it as well as you do. that you could even become a teacher. but i thought...as you said, it might take the love from it.

[privatechat]

I don't understand it all that well. I feel it.

[ Even if he'd been going to school for art it was a struggle for him even then. ]

And god, I'd be a horrible teacher too.

Were you thinking about it because you don't want me to do what I'm doing for work?

[faeshim]

that sounds even more important.

i don't mind what you're doing for work if you don't.

[privatechat]

mm… but it’s not something I could teach anyone.

I like what I do. I’m good at it.

[faeshim]

ok. i was only curious.

[privatechat]

dae… I’ll make it up to you soon…

[faeshim]

make what up?

[privatechat]

I know… I hurt you when you came in my art room.

[faeshim]

there is nothing to make up to me. you wouldn't have hurt me on purpose.

[privatechat]

And I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose either. I’m still going to make up for it with a little more time. I haven’t really been going there lately.

[faeshim]

why not?

[privatechat]

Just because…

[ He hasn’t felt like doing art since their fight that day. ]

[faeshim]

i can pose nude for you if you need inspiration. i've read that some artists do that.

[privatechat]

it’s… more because all I can remember is it hurting you and being hurt… and… I don’t know.

[faeshim]

i see.

can you do something with the pain?

[privatechat]

mm. I could, probably.

[faeshim]

i did it once. i hurt so bad that i made something out of it. something new.

[privatechat]

Really?

[faeshim]

yes. when she died. i made myself into something else, so that it would never happen again.

it might not be the same. i do not know.