[what can he do, when lennon says it like that? daeshim stands up, sheepishly returning to the bedroom. it smells like...them, and he almost loses his head again after just coming through the door.
daeshim crawls into bed, lying in an uncomfortable looking position. but he's trying to keep his hands pinned underneath him.]
[ Lennon sucks in a breath when he sees Daeshim come back and he
wipes at his face quickly to try and hide the fact he’d been crying. As
soon as he’s on the bed, Lennon crawls to him. He presses in close,
tangling his legs with Daeshim’s… ]
[how does he explain his mood? he's not sure that he can. it makes even less sense when he tries.]
I didn't want anyone to see you...like that. [but he knows what lennon does, both before he came here and after, right? daeshim frowns at his own nonsensical way of thinking.] If they see you, they'll want you. And someday you'll want them more than you want me.
[it's a fear that he's actually had before, and will have again.]
[ Lennon shakes his head immediately and lifts up so he can look at Daeshim. His fingertips press against the mark on the other's neck, chewing on his own lip anxiously. ]
I only meant it for you. And... I'll never want or need anyone the way I do you... never. You're mine. You're all mine.
[a couple of days ago and daeshim might've agreed, because he would never hurt him. but the jealousy of this strange rut. the aggression and sheer strength of it...he's a little afraid now.]
No. There must be things that you would not allow anyone to do.
[he remembers what jasper told him. and he remembers his own determination to help lennon stay safe, even from himself.]
[is he sick of hearing that yet? though lately they've learned how to better...well, not necessarily understand either other, but accept each other even when they don't.]
You don't know the answer to that. And there is more than one way to harm.
[he covered their room in thorns. the fae might be bothered by the thought of it now, but he obviously thought it was a fine idea at the time. (and just maybe he still isn't as bothered by it as he should be.)]
You are the person who is precious to me. You must treat yourself kinder.
[ Lennon makes a frustrated noise. Something about this whole thing reeks of Jasper but he doesn't say his name. This is their bed after all. He pulls himself away from Daeshim as much as it bothers him not to be pressed up close in his arms. ]
I do my best. Is that not good enough...?
[ Lennon swallows hard, his fangs biting into his bottom lip but he doesn't care. He feels fragile and he wants to be angry but he can't seem to muster anger up. ]
I'm not lying or unaware of what I say when I say I want all of you, Daeshim...
[it's something of a dirty trick that lennon plays, even if he didn't mean to play it. but daeshim is still a fae - games and dirty tricks are right in their wheelhouse. he blinks when lennon pulls away, but he's otherwise calm, concern layered on top of his usual blank default expression.
he sits up, kneeling in front of the human and then reaching his hand out to cup his cheek.]
Tell me again. [his voice is quiet.] Tell me again that you're doing your best to take care of this person that I love. Tell me that you're not doing anything to him that would break my heart.
[whatever heart he has. maybe that's like souls, something reserved for humans. but daeshim knows that there's something in his chest, and it's been made even stronger here, with him.]
Say it and I'll believe you, and we'll never speak of it again.
[ Lennon swallows heavily as the other kneels, looking at him before looking down as the other cups his cheeks. He takes in the words and he feels something cracking in him but he desperately tries to hold it all together.
His lips tremble and he knows that he can answer without lying but that it's not really as clear cut as it looks. ]
I'm doing my best, Daeshim. I promise I'm doing my best.
[daeshim looks at him for a long moment, at each feature individually and then all together. the red-rimmed eyes, his trembling lips. it's really not a picture that should put him at ease.
but he made a deal, so daeshim finally smiles at him.]
[ Something loosens in his chest. He turns his head and presses his lip to the other's hand, eyes closing. He knows that he's not perfect, that he's failing in so many ways, ways that probably would worry and upset Daeshim but
[his kind have a complicated relationship with those words, to say the least. daeshim has learned how to deal with it, he just doesn't understand why he should deserve lennon's gratitude in the first place.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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dae… I meant to just send it to because I didn’t know where you went. I’m sorry. Don’t stay mad at me.
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i just feel strange again.
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where are you? Who are you with?
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come here
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all i've done is
you're tired.
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… but I need you… you haven’t done anything I didn’t want… please?
[ Lennon makes a low noise at his communicator trying not to cry. He feels pathetic but it hurts when Daeshim isn’t close. ]
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daeshim crawls into bed, lying in an uncomfortable looking position. but he's trying to keep his hands pinned underneath him.]
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[ Lennon sucks in a breath when he sees Daeshim come back and he wipes at his face quickly to try and hide the fact he’d been crying. As soon as he’s on the bed, Lennon crawls to him. He presses in close, tangling his legs with Daeshim’s… ]
Hold me…
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[sorry lennon, he notices. but it makes him forget his own troubles, quick to wrap his arms around him. that's a request that he'll always grant.]
Why were you crying?
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[ Lennon hates how the truth pours out of him without a filter. He presses his face into the other's shoulder, pressing as close as he possibly can. ]
You can do anything you want to me just don't leave me alone.
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[how does he explain his mood? he's not sure that he can. it makes even less sense when he tries.]
I didn't want anyone to see you...like that. [but he knows what lennon does, both before he came here and after, right? daeshim frowns at his own nonsensical way of thinking.] If they see you, they'll want you. And someday you'll want them more than you want me.
[it's a fear that he's actually had before, and will have again.]
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I only meant it for you. And... I'll never want or need anyone the way I do you... never. You're mine. You're all mine.
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Mm.
[he smiles a little, pleased. but then he remembers something.]
What you said, you cannot say, even to me. You can't let anyone just do whatever they want to you.
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But I mean it... With you it's okay.
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No. There must be things that you would not allow anyone to do.
[he remembers what jasper told him. and he remembers his own determination to help lennon stay safe, even from himself.]
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[ Lennon frowns at him and he feels frustrated. He doesn't want Daeshim to hold anything back. ]
I know you'd never harm me. I trust you...why can't you trust me to know?
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[is he sick of hearing that yet? though lately they've learned how to better...well, not necessarily understand either other, but accept each other even when they don't.]
You don't know the answer to that. And there is more than one way to harm.
[he covered their room in thorns. the fae might be bothered by the thought of it now, but he obviously thought it was a fine idea at the time. (and just maybe he still isn't as bothered by it as he should be.)]
You are the person who is precious to me. You must treat yourself kinder.
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I do my best. Is that not good enough...?
[ Lennon swallows hard, his fangs biting into his bottom lip but he doesn't care. He feels fragile and he wants to be angry but he can't seem to muster anger up. ]
I'm not lying or unaware of what I say when I say I want all of you, Daeshim...
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he sits up, kneeling in front of the human and then reaching his hand out to cup his cheek.]
Tell me again. [his voice is quiet.] Tell me again that you're doing your best to take care of this person that I love. Tell me that you're not doing anything to him that would break my heart.
[whatever heart he has. maybe that's like souls, something reserved for humans. but daeshim knows that there's something in his chest, and it's been made even stronger here, with him.]
Say it and I'll believe you, and we'll never speak of it again.
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His lips tremble and he knows that he can answer without lying but that it's not really as clear cut as it looks. ]
I'm doing my best, Daeshim. I promise I'm doing my best.
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but he made a deal, so daeshim finally smiles at him.]
Okay. I believe you.
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He is trying his best every day. ]
Thank you.
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[his kind have a complicated relationship with those words, to say the least. daeshim has learned how to deal with it, he just doesn't understand why he should deserve lennon's gratitude in the first place.]
Lie back down with me.
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