[he insists again, not giving in this time. daeshim still blames himself, knows that he set the foundation for this and all that went wrong. he wipes the back of his free hand across his eyes, wiping away the heat and tears.]
It will help you with your blood sugar. I've been studying about it.
[ Lennon frowns as he stares at the other, is he crying? He exhales softly and forces himself to take the bite the other's offering. It's hard to fight against him right now anyway when his instincts are all to give into him, to submit still. ]
[he's felt so out of control of everything, his emotions, his desires. he just wants it to go away.
he says nothing to the apology at first, just feeds him another piece of apple. he should probably eat something too. how long has it been? but that's a fleeting thought at best.
when he finally speaks, he tries to keep his voice from trembling too much.]
[the voice is daeshim's, but those aren't the kind of words that the fae normally says. but jasper was right, he sees it for himself now, understands the concern. how can he do nothing?]
[ Again that reeks of Jasper to Lennon and he's so going to get him later. He frowns at Daeshim, forcing himself to sit back up even if it makes his head swim. ]
No. I like feeding him. He likes it too. You're trying to take away my choices again.
[daeshim repeats those words, a little too slowly. the air around them feels heavier, thick with tension.]
You like being so weak that you can't make it back to your own bed? You like worrying me? Worrying Bae!
[because he knows baein, and he knows that the vampire wouldn't like seeing what daeshim saw. he would hate it, and himself, and probably starve himself completely because of it.
[ Lennon senses the shift and he inhales as he shifts, pressing himself back just a little, instinctively putting a little more distance between them. He bites down on his lip as the words rush over him and it's harder to get the will to argue with the way the other's eyes pin him and the way his voice just... Lennon doesn't even know how to describe it. ]
Dae... I'll be more careful just... don't take this away from me.
[ His heart is racing in his chest and his fingers are fisted into the bedding beneath himself as he looks at Daeshim. ]
[daeshim blinks once, twice, and it's more than just his expression that changes. it's like his entire face changes. softens the darkness in his eyes is mostly gone, like the sun peeking out from behind storm clouds again.]
Why...why are you doing that?
[his voice trembles again as he looks at lennon and the way he's drawn back, keeping space between them. he looks down at himself next, like he doesn't recognize himself at that moment. he really is confused about so much...]
Why are you acting like you're afraid...mmm...
[deashim presses his lips together in a tight line, vision watery. he scoots back to the very edge of the bed, just wanting lennon to feel safe again.]
[ Lennon hadn't really thought about it, hadn't thought about the fact that he was acting afraid -- that he was afraid. Lennon feels like he has whiplash and he knows that Daeshim's mood is as unstable as his and he bites back a sound of frustration -- confusion. He takes a few deep breaths and leans more heavily against the headboard of their bed.
He reaches out his arms, spreading his legs and beckoning Daeshim to come close to him. ]
I just... don't like not having a choice.
[ It scares him. All the worst situations he's been in has been from him having no choices, having someone take his choices away from him. It worked out in some ways with Daeshim but it didn't mean that he was okay when he felt like he was losing his ability to choose for himself. ]
[but he was afraid. even worse, he had a reason to be afraid. what if he does it again in the future? what if he does something even worse?
he shouldn't go into lennon's arms. he knows that's just adding fuel to the wildfire inside him. but he can't resist. after a few moments of trying, he ends up crawling up and flopping against him.]
[ Lennon wraps his arms as tight as he can manage around Daeshim. His fingers curl into his side and he presses them tight just as much to hold him as to hide that his hands are trembling. He doesn't know if it's from the emotions or from the feeding or what but he doesn't want to make Daeshim worry more or be more upset. He nuzzles him. ]
Why. Why did this world's magic leave me this way?
[it took some things from him, including his ability to return home. why did it leave him with this blood in him? daeshim swallows hard, afraid that he'll burst into tears if he speaks too much. so he just turns his head and presses it against the other.]
[ Lennon just holds him close, wrapping his legs around him just as tightly as his arms just to make sure he doesn't decide to slip away. He nuzzles him, pressing soft kisses to every bit of skin he can find. ]
Being Fae is part of who you are... like... being human is part of who I am... I... want you the way you are.
[he sniffles a time or two more. this isn't right. he's the guardian, he's the one who should be the one taking care of. daeshim's face and eye are still red, but he lifts his head to look at him anyway.]
I'm scared that you're going to hurt yourself. So scared that I'd rather you hate me than do it.
[ lennon says gently, looking at the other and his hand moves to cup the other's cheek, thumb rubbing under one of his eyes and he presses a gentle kiss to his lips. The stress has at least pushed some of his dizziness and everything to the back of his mind, adrenaline pushing through. ]
[daeshim continues to frown like he isn't so sure. he doesn't think that lennon would deliberately lie to him, but does he really know when he's endangering himself? or is he so used to being reckless and not really caring by now that he just can't tell sometimes?
but he still relaxes after the kiss.]
Rest if you need to. I will still be here when you wake up. Remember that, because I'm promising.
[in case he looks, ah, a little different. but he also needs to protect lennon however he can, even from himself.]
[ Lennon still feels unsettled and he can't really pinpoint why. He shifts, not letting go of the other and reaching for the blankets to cover them up. ]
You better be.
[ Lennon curls up and it doesn't really take a lot for him to pass out. His body is drained and emotionally he's exhausted too.
And he'll sleep for a long while...
And when he wakes up he's cold and alone and pulls the blankets closer around himself, looking around in confusion. ]
Daeshim?
[ Is he in the bathroom again... Lennon sits up and blearily goes to check the bathroom and he's not there... ]
Daeshim...!
[ he promised to be there when he woke up and he's not there...
It's then he does see the little mushroom and his eyes widen. ]
Dae...?
[ He vaguely remembers Daeshim talking about being able to turn into a mushroom or something... What... He frowns as goes and gently scoops up the little mushroom.
Of course, now he's just going to rush out holding the mushroom and yelling for Baein and jasper. pay no mind to him crying. ]
[daeshim watches lennon for a long time after he falls asleep. he does it more than the other knows, because the human always looks so sweet when he sleeps. peaceful. he doesn't even stir when the fae strokes his hair.
and then he sighs because he knows what he has to do. and he knows that lennon won't like it, might be mad, will definitely feel lonely, even if daeshim is right there beside him like he promised.
he turns his body towards the door, hugging his knees as the vines across the door turn green and lose their thorns. they retreat, though they'll still be in the room with lennon too.]
Remember to take care of him.
[protect him or whatever else he needs. he looks at lennon one last time before leaning in to press a kiss against his temple. if you love someone, you don't scare them, you don't make them cry. he'll be back when he's the daeshim who deserves to say those words again.]
[ baein hasn't felt great the entire night, though jasper was there, he thinks, and hunter too, and he's groggy and still too hot, still too... much of everything when lennon comes bursting out from his bedroom.
and baein jumps up, confused and worried as he looks up at the other from where he was curled up on the couch. ]
[ Lennon lifts up the mushroom, his eyes panicked as he looks at Baein. He'd already been emotionally compromised before this but waking up to not a body but a mushroom has him teetering. ]
[ Lennon sucks in a harsh breath and his eyes are burning and he doesn't want to cry. Everything hurts and it's not just the heat he's going through that's making it so. It's that Daeshim is hiding from him... or something... ]
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[ Lennon argues, offering far too much information really, trying to wave off the fruit. ]
I don't want to eat...
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[he insists again, not giving in this time. daeshim still blames himself, knows that he set the foundation for this and all that went wrong. he wipes the back of his free hand across his eyes, wiping away the heat and tears.]
It will help you with your blood sugar. I've been studying about it.
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Just a little...
[ He exhales softly. ]
I'm sorry.
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he says nothing to the apology at first, just feeds him another piece of apple. he should probably eat something too. how long has it been? but that's a fleeting thought at best.
when he finally speaks, he tries to keep his voice from trembling too much.]
You must not do that again.
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I'm not going to stop feeding him.
[ It hurts to defy Daeshim... especially with how he looks and sounds. ]
It's okay. I'm okay.
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[the voice is daeshim's, but those aren't the kind of words that the fae normally says. but jasper was right, he sees it for himself now, understands the concern. how can he do nothing?]
We will find other ways.
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No. I like feeding him. He likes it too. You're trying to take away my choices again.
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[daeshim repeats those words, a little too slowly. the air around them feels heavier, thick with tension.]
You like being so weak that you can't make it back to your own bed? You like worrying me? Worrying Bae!
[because he knows baein, and he knows that the vampire wouldn't like seeing what daeshim saw. he would hate it, and himself, and probably starve himself completely because of it.
the fae leans in, eyes as sharp as his voice.]
You are mine, you're lucky I don't take more!
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Dae... I'll be more careful just... don't take this away from me.
[ His heart is racing in his chest and his fingers are fisted into the bedding beneath himself as he looks at Daeshim. ]
Please. I know I'm yours...
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Why...why are you doing that?
[his voice trembles again as he looks at lennon and the way he's drawn back, keeping space between them. he looks down at himself next, like he doesn't recognize himself at that moment. he really is confused about so much...]
Why are you acting like you're afraid...mmm...
[deashim presses his lips together in a tight line, vision watery. he scoots back to the very edge of the bed, just wanting lennon to feel safe again.]
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He reaches out his arms, spreading his legs and beckoning Daeshim to come close to him. ]
I just... don't like not having a choice.
[ It scares him. All the worst situations he's been in has been from him having no choices, having someone take his choices away from him. It worked out in some ways with Daeshim but it didn't mean that he was okay when he felt like he was losing his ability to choose for himself. ]
I'm not afraid of you.
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he shouldn't go into lennon's arms. he knows that's just adding fuel to the wildfire inside him. but he can't resist. after a few moments of trying, he ends up crawling up and flopping against him.]
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You're mine. All of you.
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[it took some things from him, including his ability to return home. why did it leave him with this blood in him? daeshim swallows hard, afraid that he'll burst into tears if he speaks too much. so he just turns his head and presses it against the other.]
Wish I was human.
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Being Fae is part of who you are... like... being human is part of who I am... I... want you the way you are.
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I'm scared that you're going to hurt yourself. So scared that I'd rather you hate me than do it.
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[ lennon says gently, looking at the other and his hand moves to cup the other's cheek, thumb rubbing under one of his eyes and he presses a gentle kiss to his lips. The stress has at least pushed some of his dizziness and everything to the back of his mind, adrenaline pushing through. ]
I promise I won't hurt myself.
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but he still relaxes after the kiss.]
Rest if you need to. I will still be here when you wake up. Remember that, because I'm promising.
[in case he looks, ah, a little different. but he also needs to protect lennon however he can, even from himself.]
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You better be.
[ Lennon curls up and it doesn't really take a lot for him to pass out. His body is drained and emotionally he's exhausted too.
And he'll sleep for a long while...
And when he wakes up he's cold and alone and pulls the blankets closer around himself, looking around in confusion. ]
Daeshim?
[ Is he in the bathroom again... Lennon sits up and blearily goes to check the bathroom and he's not there... ]
Daeshim...!
[ he promised to be there when he woke up and he's not there...
It's then he does see the little mushroom and his eyes widen. ]
Dae...?
[ He vaguely remembers Daeshim talking about being able to turn into a mushroom or something... What... He frowns as goes and gently scoops up the little mushroom.
Of course, now he's just going to rush out holding the mushroom and yelling for Baein and jasper. pay no mind to him crying. ]
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and then he sighs because he knows what he has to do. and he knows that lennon won't like it, might be mad, will definitely feel lonely, even if daeshim is right there beside him like he promised.
he turns his body towards the door, hugging his knees as the vines across the door turn green and lose their thorns. they retreat, though they'll still be in the room with lennon too.]
Remember to take care of him.
[protect him or whatever else he needs. he looks at lennon one last time before leaning in to press a kiss against his temple. if you love someone, you don't scare them, you don't make them cry. he'll be back when he's the daeshim who deserves to say those words again.]
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and baein jumps up, confused and worried as he looks up at the other from where he was curled up on the couch. ]
Lennon? What's wrong...?
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[ Lennon lifts up the mushroom, his eyes panicked as he looks at Baein. He'd already been emotionally compromised before this but waking up to not a body but a mushroom has him teetering. ]
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... is he hiding from you?
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I messed up.
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