[he nods softly. he didn't know before, but he knows it now and he won't forget.
daeshim is still and quiet and thoughtful, just letting lennon rest against him and enjoy the hot chocolate. until finally, he speaks about what's on his mind.]
Bae and Jasper were a pair. Was just wondering if they'll want to be a pair again. [daeshim glances over at him.] Was wondering...if maybe that's also why you don't seem as happy when I say their names. Are we beavers?
[ Lennon is quiet, his head nuzzling the others shoulder and the…
conversation is weird and makes him skittish and anxious. He can’t even put
that into words. Maybe it’s because the word love is scary — maybe
thrilling to think about too…
but he knows that he can’t say their beavers— what a strange
comparison but he thinks he gets it. He bites his lip and lets the flair of
pain help him focus. ]
I don’t know. It’s different for different people… I… I’m… it’s not that
we’re beavers. I’m just…
[ He fidgets with the cup before leaning over Daeshim to set it to
the side completely for now. ]
It’s just that, I can’t help but compare myself to them. Jasper… both of
them. And I get jealous and… I feel like I’m an intruder somehow. And I
know you don’t want me to feel like that and you try to fix it but. I just
do and maybe I’ll get past it eventually…
[ he swallows. ]
I could never ask you to just… be… a beaver. It’s not who you are.
[even that little bit of understanding is something that he didn't have before. it was something he didn't even know to ask, and it helps.
he hums.]
Fae aren't like that. Fae aren't like anything. Maybe they stay with another Fae until a party ends. Or maybe they take no part in it at all. They don't make bargains like we made, I think.
[there's a story here and there, a fairy and a mortal lover. but those are th true fairy tales. daeshim doesn't know if there's any truth to them at all.
he finally looks over at him, brow screwed up in concentration.]
[ Lennon sighs, his fingers rubbing at his thigh. It’s a strange
feeling that the bargain they made is something out of the ordinary for
even Daeshim— maybe a little comforting somehow. But the anxiety at this
conversation is still high. And only gets higher at the question. He
doesn’t know the answer. And he doesn’t want Daeshim to be different than
he is, who he is. ]
I think… I just need time… dae, even my family abandoned me, my best
friend. All my friends, really. And I can’t help that im scared you’ll
change your mind. Maybe it’s not logical or whatever. But it’s been a
fucking long time since I let myself… care about anyone and want something.
And I want you to be happy and have whatever makes you happy but it scares
me too.
[daeshim opens his mouth, then presses his lips closed again. maybe time is the only thing that will help him believe what daeshim has tried to tell him - there is no abandoning him. there is no changing his mind. the fae had already decided that before he made their bargain, and the bargain makes it impossible.]
You make me happy.
[is that part of what scares lennon too? he thinks it might be, even if he doesn't understand that part of it either. daeshim huffs softly before looking over at the cup on the nightstand.]
I'm going to drink your peppermint hot chocolate.
[he reaches for it, even if he doesn't have any intentions of actually doing it.]
[ And it’s true. The way he feels around Daeshim… he hasn’t felt
that happy in a long long time, if ever really. It’s the first time he
hasn’t been lonely even if sometimes there is a bit of a sense of alone—
it’s his own fault and he knows that.
But there’s the worry too that he won’t always make Daeshim happy or
he can’t make him as happy as jasper and baein can. And of course the
niggling feeling of not being enough. ]
No you’re not.
[ Lennon huffs and leans to quickly grab it and bring it back to his
own lips to take a drink of. ]
[he doesn't even have to think about what seems to be a simple request. but something in lennon's voice as he asks makes him feel like there's more to it too.]
Day or night, anytime you crave it. I'll make it just for you.
[ Lennon smiles and he works on finishing the hot chocolate. It’s
strange how something like that adds more security than all the words in
the world. Maybe he can make some more deals like that if he can think of
any. ]
What’s something you want just for you and no one else?
[oh. daeshim didn't think of a deal for him in return - which is kind of unusual for him. but lennon isn't just someone to make deals with. lennon isn't just someone who has something that he wants. daeshim wants to make him happy.
he sits up, eyeing the human curiously. testing with his next question.]
[ The tension he felt eases immediately. Daeshim asks for something he can definitely agree to. He smiles, leaning in to press a kiss to the other's lips. He's finished the hot chocolate now. ]
[he'd puffed himself up like an angry little bird. but lennon also gives in quickly. so he relaxes again, chasing another kiss, deepening it to taste lennon mixed with chocolate.]
[ Lennon is more relaxed now and he easily parts his lips to allow the kiss to deepen. He blindly seeks to set the mug down again and hopefully he got it all the way on the stand before he moves to straddle the other's lap. ]
[he might think of it later. for now he's content focusing on lennon as he moves above him. he tastes sweet, but daeshim naturally thinks that about most kisses. he makes a little sound, a soft groan, and feels heat coming into his face.]
[ Lennon can accept that. He wants to ask more things but he can't think of anything that would be fair just yet. And he wants the things he asks for to have significance to the two of them.
He nips at the other's lip, careful not to apply to much pressure and then nuzzling the other's cheek. He exhales shakily near his ear. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[he nods softly. he didn't know before, but he knows it now and he won't forget.
daeshim is still and quiet and thoughtful, just letting lennon rest against him and enjoy the hot chocolate. until finally, he speaks about what's on his mind.]
Are there rules for love?
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[ Lennon stays pressed close, relaxing some as he sips on the drink and he feels content and warm. ]
What do you mean?
[ Why are you saying the L word? ]
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[what does he mean? it's hard to find the words for his thoughts sometimes.]
Do humans prefer to do it in pairs? Like beavers.
[that's helpful.]
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[ Lennon is so confused… ]
Are you talking about monogamy and like polyamorous relationships… or…?
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Bae and Jasper were a pair. Was just wondering if they'll want to be a pair again. [daeshim glances over at him.] Was wondering...if maybe that's also why you don't seem as happy when I say their names. Are we beavers?
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[ Lennon is quiet, his head nuzzling the others shoulder and the… conversation is weird and makes him skittish and anxious. He can’t even put that into words. Maybe it’s because the word love is scary — maybe thrilling to think about too…
but he knows that he can’t say their beavers— what a strange comparison but he thinks he gets it. He bites his lip and lets the flair of pain help him focus. ]
I don’t know. It’s different for different people… I… I’m… it’s not that we’re beavers. I’m just…
[ He fidgets with the cup before leaning over Daeshim to set it to the side completely for now. ]
It’s just that, I can’t help but compare myself to them. Jasper… both of them. And I get jealous and… I feel like I’m an intruder somehow. And I know you don’t want me to feel like that and you try to fix it but. I just do and maybe I’ll get past it eventually…
[ he swallows. ]
I could never ask you to just… be… a beaver. It’s not who you are.
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[even that little bit of understanding is something that he didn't have before. it was something he didn't even know to ask, and it helps.
he hums.]
Fae aren't like that. Fae aren't like anything. Maybe they stay with another Fae until a party ends. Or maybe they take no part in it at all. They don't make bargains like we made, I think.
[there's a story here and there, a fairy and a mortal lover. but those are th true fairy tales. daeshim doesn't know if there's any truth to them at all.
he finally looks over at him, brow screwed up in concentration.]
How can I help you feel better?
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Yeah.
[ Lennon sighs, his fingers rubbing at his thigh. It’s a strange feeling that the bargain they made is something out of the ordinary for even Daeshim— maybe a little comforting somehow. But the anxiety at this conversation is still high. And only gets higher at the question. He doesn’t know the answer. And he doesn’t want Daeshim to be different than he is, who he is. ]
I think… I just need time… dae, even my family abandoned me, my best friend. All my friends, really. And I can’t help that im scared you’ll change your mind. Maybe it’s not logical or whatever. But it’s been a fucking long time since I let myself… care about anyone and want something.
And I want you to be happy and have whatever makes you happy but it scares me too.
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You make me happy.
[is that part of what scares lennon too? he thinks it might be, even if he doesn't understand that part of it either. daeshim huffs softly before looking over at the cup on the nightstand.]
I'm going to drink your peppermint hot chocolate.
[he reaches for it, even if he doesn't have any intentions of actually doing it.]
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You make me happy too.
[ And it’s true. The way he feels around Daeshim… he hasn’t felt that happy in a long long time, if ever really. It’s the first time he hasn’t been lonely even if sometimes there is a bit of a sense of alone— it’s his own fault and he knows that.
But there’s the worry too that he won’t always make Daeshim happy or he can’t make him as happy as jasper and baein can. And of course the niggling feeling of not being enough. ]
No you’re not.
[ Lennon huffs and leans to quickly grab it and bring it back to his own lips to take a drink of. ]
Will you always make me hot chocolate?
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[warm enough to burn chocolate.
he's still thinking about things, but he blinks a couple of times at the question.]
Yes. If you let me kiss you when you're finished. When you taste the most like chocolate.
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Yeah. I will.
[ There’s a brief pause as he takes another drink. ]
Will you only make hot chocolate for me?
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[he doesn't even have to think about what seems to be a simple request. but something in lennon's voice as he asks makes him feel like there's more to it too.]
Day or night, anytime you crave it. I'll make it just for you.
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And you won’t ever make hot chocolate for anyone else?
[ Just making sure. He answered so quickly. What if he didn’t understand? ]
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[he shakes his head firmly.]
Hot chocolate is only for you.
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[ Lennon smiles and he works on finishing the hot chocolate. It’s strange how something like that adds more security than all the words in the world. Maybe he can make some more deals like that if he can think of any. ]
What’s something you want just for you and no one else?
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he sits up, eyeing the human curiously. testing with his next question.]
Anything?
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[ Lennon hesitates, his grip tightening on the mug a little. Anything could be a lot of things!! ]
I think so.
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The toys that we bought. I don't want you using them with anyone else! They're ours!
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Okay. I'll only use them with you.
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Anything else?
[ He murmurs against his lips. ]
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[he might think of it later. for now he's content focusing on lennon as he moves above him. he tastes sweet, but daeshim naturally thinks that about most kisses. he makes a little sound, a soft groan, and feels heat coming into his face.]
Will you stay on top of me tonight?
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He nips at the other's lip, careful not to apply to much pressure and then nuzzling the other's cheek. He exhales shakily near his ear. ]
Like this? Or do you want something else?
[ Lennon teases. ]
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[deashim smiles at the trembling nature of his exhale. he's learning more and more about lennon, about what certain things mean.]
You can kiss me harder. As hard as you want. It won't hurt me.
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